It’s anger. Pure and simple. It’s eats me up sometimes. It burns. Knowing you made a mistake that you knew better than to make. You’d think I’d have experience dealing with it by now. Well, I do have the experience. I’ve made many mistakes and gotten angry every time, and it hasn’t seemed to help the anger go away. I still feel just as angry making the small mistakes as I do the big mistakes. I don’t know if non-perfectionists can relate to this madness. Or maybe I have an anger management problem.
You can always tell yourself these bad decisions are so small in the big scheme of things. And of course they are. But it doesn’t take away the sting. I mean, that might lessen the sting if I was engaging in a hobby or a game for fun, where I made a mistake at tennis or something. Yeah, who cares then? But I’m playing poker for money; I’m there to do my job and to win money, and when I make an obvious mistake I feel guilty and stupid. You’re costing yourself money, and that’s always a tough feeling. Maybe worse than the money, though, is just the knowledge that you’re not taking it seriously when you know you should be taking it seriously. If you’re not taking it seriously then there’s really no point in playing.
I haven’t been this upset since the big tournament hand I screwed up on a couple months ago. Tonight I was doing fine, playing very well, was probably 3rd in chips at my table, probably 6th in chips overall. There were only two tables left (out of four). I’m feeling good about making the money because most everyone is very weak.
Long story short; I raise a couple players all-in (I think) pre-flop with A5 suited, not too worried if either of them calls because their stacks were about a third of mine. But one of the players calls and I see (and remember) that they had colored up his stack so he’s actually got me covered. He’s got three little blue chips nestled kind of sneakily at the bottom of his stack, but still where any idiot could have seen them. (I hate when they color up one single guy, so he’s the only guy colored up at the table. No excuse, but it leads to stupid mistakes like this.)
It’s one of the most amateur mistakes you can make in a no-limit game; not knowing what your opponent’s chip stack is. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that. It’s even worse because I actually did know his chip stack just a few minutes earlier but then somehow forgot it.
Amazing how I can be keeping track of so many things in the game and then just stumble on one simple mistake that gets me out of the tournament. Sometimes I really hate this game. I had to restrain myself from driving over to the $15-30 game and playing until 8 in the morning.
Moral of the story; never take anything for granted. Think for a few seconds before you act and consider the consequences of each and every decision, unlike what I fucking do.